This probably won't be my only "starting" piece on this blog. I'm not even sure what it will eventually be about, have as a theme or unifying structure. All I do know is that I've been sad this weekend. And sad is something I am more and more recently. Each bout of sadness gets worse than the last. Perhaps this blogging thing will help, but I'm not sure the root of my sadness, so I'm not sure where this writing will take me.
I've been trying to blame my sadness on my job. But honestly, I'm not sad when I'm at my job. I'm engaged, focused on the task at hand and BUSY! That leaves no time for sadness. I'm a teacher, so I put on a smile and become an actress in front of an audience each day. Sadness is not something a teacher has time for. Then the weekend comes. I could do some grading. I could watch movies. I could meet up with friends. I could partake in the hobbies I've grown to love over the years. But lately, I do none of these things. I sit on the couch with my dog and stare at my computer screen. I google "Why am I so sad?" and "I want to quit my job." Do I really want to quit my job? Some days I think that's the key. Other days I'm convinced that quitting my job will not stop the sadness but only make it worse.
Help.
I'll need a better starting blog next time. This post seems meaningless and cyclical. I suppose that's how I feel about my life too.
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